


Village Building 101 for Normal People

by FiresFromOurHearts



Series: The Overworked Hikaku Chronicles [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Founders, Founding of Konoha, Gen, Uchiha Izuna Lives, Warring States Period (Naruto)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28392876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiresFromOurHearts/pseuds/FiresFromOurHearts
Summary: You probably know Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Izuna, Senju Hashirama, Senju Tobirama, and Uzumaki Mito. Of course you do, they're the (probably) leaders of Konohagakure. If you meet them and... Well, if you find yourself somewhat surprised (and possibly on the edge of a breakdown) after meeting them. Just head to the Uchiha Liaison office and ask for Hikaku. He'll sort you out.(Trust me, you'll need it.)- Your friendly fellow traumatised Ninja.In which Hikaku does his best, but also is the only relatively normal high-ranking ninja around. Don't ask if he sleeps, you probably don't want the answer.
Relationships: Uchiha Hikaku & Normal People, Uchiha Hikaku & Uchiha Izuna
Series: The Overworked Hikaku Chronicles [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2070147
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42
Collections: Genuary 2021





	Village Building 101 for Normal People

Hikaku has a home office and an office office. The latter is in the building that is becoming known as the Hokage Building, a rather boring name if you ask Hikaku. Mito is responsible for it. From what Hikaku knows, she put her foot down in regards to the senseless arguing between Hashirama, Madara, Izuna, and Tobirama. She’s the only person who can do that, Hikaku reckons. The four certainly ignore him, willingly so. They might pause for Touka, but Hashirama often steamrolls over her unless there is an actual problem.

The name of a building, it turns out, is not an actual problem.

Regardless, the building has a name even if the leaders of the village remained undecided. At the moment, most of the population of the village believed that Hashirama and Madara led together. It’s not exactly true, but it’s not false either. There are a few mutterings amongst some people, those outside of the Uchiha and Senju Clans as well as those within them, about dislike for one leader or the other or both. Hikaku cannot stop the mutterings, doesn’t even try. If the people who say such things get slightly worse missions or humiliated or proven wrong. Well. Who says Hikaku’s involved?

Anyway. Hikaku’s office. The one in the Uchiha Clan Compound looks the same as his old one for the most part, and looks pretty similar to the one in the Hokage Building. The main difference is that one houses chairs for other people and a cot shoved in the corner and the other doesn’t. If Hikaku gets people at home, they can join him outside of the office on actual couches. Even better, it means his office can be a mess and no one has to know.

The Uchiha one isn’t a problem. Hikaku rather likes it, all things told. People only distract him for important things. The one in the Hokage Building is not like that.

It’s really not.

Hikaku cannot stress this enough. His official village-based office is not like his Uchiha one at all. If Hikaku wasn’t Uchiha liaison, not that he does much liaising, he mainly just tells people to see others, he’d spend all his time at the Uchiha office. As it happens, five days is spent at the Hokage Building, and then the rest in his home office. Technically, he’s meant to sleep at some point during that. He does. Maybe like eighty percent of the time? Or. You know. It might be closed to sixty, but that’s just schematics, right?

His official office is big. It has a nice desk. He gets to see the light. And there’s a kitchen nearby that he doesn’t have to stock! It would have been a dream except—the people. The _people_. Hikaku gets it, really, he’s meant to help people with problems, improve Uchiha relations with the general population, and so on it goes. There’s probably a list somewhere. Hikaku might actually need to read that at some point.

Yes, Hikaku does spend some time dealing with problems from the Uchiha or with the Uchiha or something else. You know what else Hikaku has ended up dealing with?

Crying. Complaints. And not because of the Uchiha Clan. Oooooh no. The complaints are about specific people. Izuna. Madara. Hashirama. Occasionally Tobirama and Mito too. Touka has dropped by, on a few occasions, to laugh at him through the window as he does his best to make someone stop crying. Hikaku was not trained on how to deal with tears. He’s trained to kill people. This is definitely not that. This could not be further from that.

Just once, Hikaku would like to actually murder his problems and be done with it. He didn’t even get to murder the plant monsters. Truly, a most unfortunate outcome. At least they all got out alive of that one. Although. The ending was weird. Had all of them gotten high or something? Breathed in too much smoke?

Someone barges into his office without knocking and Hikaku does not sigh because he has _self-control_ , even if it’s doing its best to get away from him. He places his paperwork down, straightens the pile, and lifts his gaze from his desk to look at-

Hmm. He hasn’t met this person before. Not the receptionist or assistant to anyone he knows and likely not anyone who often works in this building.

For a second, Hikaku imagines it. Imagines saying no. The feel of the word resting on his tongue, the weight of it pressing against his teeth. Imagines shaking his head, wisps of hair flying. Imagines standing up, stomping his foot, and flaring his chakra, refusing to deal with this. It would, of course, probably cause some problems for Uchiha relations with the rest of the village. Hikaku is very close to not caring.

Of course, very close is different from not caring at all.

“Hey,” he says keeping his voice soft, body language open, and wow, he actually kind of knows how to deal with this. Doesn’t he? “Are you okay?”

The person—Hatake, maybe, which. Hatake-nins are well known for their steadiness in the face of most things. They deal with everything—remove the threat or just remain unperturbed by it. However, this Hatake seems concerned. Fearful, perhaps. “Are they- Do they- Is that-” The shinobi gestures wildly, flailing his arms. Eventually, he manages to choke out, “Normal?”

Without even asking, Hikaku knows who it is. Or who it’s likely to be at least, and that’s good enough. He hums. “For them, yes. For everyone else? No.”

Wide eyes stare at him. “Do they ever- not do that?”

“Probably not,” Hikaku says, even though he has no idea what the Hatake saw. “They’ve only gotten worse when they’re together. Usually Mito controls them somewhat.”

“Mito-sama joins them?”

Hikaku ponders the lack of suffix he used and. Yeah. He feels close enough for that. If you’ve guarded someone in their sleep, watched them drop ice down their husband’s pants, watched them threaten to tear our someone’s throat with their teeth, you’re probably close enough to call them by their name and that alone.

“Yes,” he says, with only a small pause. “In front of strangers, though, they’re normally better.” He opens one of his desk draws and pulls out a bottle of sake. He rarely drinks, but most people prefer to. After seeing what they’ve seen. He pours sake into two glasses, and lifts one up, swallowing it in a single gulp. There’s not much, but he leaves the bottle on the desk, nudging it closer to the Hatake.

The shinobi looks a little bit more settled with alcohol in his veins. More collected, perhaps, though still a bit wild. Then, he considers what he can do from here. There’s not much he can do, steadfastly refusing more work as he is.

Actually, there is one thing he can do.

He opens another draw, picks up a prewritten note, and slides it across to the Hatake. “You’re not the only one who’s come to me after dealing with them,” he explains to the bewildered Hatake. “There’s a group who regularly have to deal with them, and so they regularly go out for drinks too.” And don’t come to work hungover, thankfully. Hikaku has placed down a no-hangover policy because people will do their work or stay at home. Or he might send Izuna their way, screaming.

Screaming is a viable tactic, so long as it’s not Hikaku screaming. Hikaku doesn’t scream. He will not join the ranks of Madara and Izuna.

“A few people who aren’t regulars meet up as well,” he continues as the Hatake picks up the paper, reading it carefully before slipping it away. “Those who somehow still end up experiencing them in all their-” he pauses, amused, “glory.”

The Hatake cracks a grin. “Thank you,” he says. Then, a thought clearly crossing his mind although Hikaku can’t quite pick up the emotions behind it, he says, “Do you have to deal with them often?”

He offers a half-shrug. “Izuna and Madara are my cousins,” he says, “and the Senjus are their partners.”

“In that case, you have my sympathy,” the Hatake says, standing up with an almost-silent creak from the chair. “Good luck.”

“Thank you,” Hikaku says. “It’s definitely going to be needed.” Not dealing with them, Hikaku is used to their shenanigans and actions for the most part. He knows how to work with them and around them. The real issue comes from dealing with their idiotic thoughts and plans.

But Izuna and Madara are family, and their partners will be family one day too. Hikaku loves them. He might question them, might be irritated by them, might hate the fact they ignore him when he brings forward important topics unless he makes himself heard. But he’ll never stop loving them. So Hikaku will remain, in his home office or his official office, and he’ll go to meetings and go to the office where the others reside, and he’ll go to family dinners and everything else.

He’ll laugh and he’ll smile and he won’t regret it for a single second. No matter the work he does, the hours he pours into it, he won’t regret it.

After all, it’s for family.

**Author's Note:**

> Hikaku's really tearing out his hair. All he wants to do is actually use his murder skills for a good reason and he just gets _tears_. 
> 
> Anyway, I don't have much to say about this one and it is fairly short. But I hope you did enjoy! Make sure you've had water today, eaten at least one thing, stretched if you've been in the same position for too long, and try to get a reasonable amount of sleep. 
> 
> The next story in this series will include Madara, a present from an admirer, and a biju. Hikaku is having a Great Time.


End file.
